So, I came across these photos of old-school Hollywood beauty secrets. Mostly, I guess their procedures, or crazy products, and frankly, I'm not exactly sure what they're intended for. But that doesn't mean that I can't invent names and purposes for them, right?

 

Now, let me preface this by saying that if these were modern day beauty enhancing instruments, I probably wouldn't know what they are either. I have a blow dryer. The end. No other sort of appliances or hardware get used during my daily beauty regimen (and by "beauty regimen", I mean "showering, blow drying, moisturizing, brushing, and then walking out the door").

So, let's break it down, shall we?

1. Looks slightly like some sort of exercise-type thing that my great aunt had in her house when I was a kid. Mostly, it let to every single one of us kids getting our fingers pinched in it at least once. There should be a warning label.

2. This actually looks like some sort of massager? Maybe? Mostly, though, the springs are being used again. I'm guessing it was also rather pinchy.

3. IS THAT ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY?!?!

4. This inspired Pac-Man, didn't it?

5. Is that meant to create dimples? People do know that that's not how it works, right?

6. "Constantly have that wind-blown look with 'Wonder-Blow' by Blam-o!"

7. That's a great big heaping pile of "Nope".