Awesome Inventions for Women, According to Men

The pink zebra-print Cheekies. The Tease-for-Two Kissable Whipped Creme. Highlighter-color sports bras. Miranda Kerr! Life without Victoria's Secret would probably smell like crap and would be a lot less glittery, colorful and expensive. Think of how much money is spent each year buying Victoria's Secret products. Interestingly, Victoria's Secret was created by a man, for men. A Stanford graduate from the School of Business, Roy Raymond, was embarrassed buying lingerie for his girlfriend. He decided to create a Victorian-style store in the Stanford Shopping Center to create a comfortable environment for men to pick out sexy little gifts for their significant others. Well, good job Raymond. You successfully launched a multi-billion dollar industry, females' guilty (and expensive) pleasure and a store that men still find uncomfortable to walk through.

Pole dancing began in early Africa. Newly betrothed females would dance on and against a wooden pole in order to show their fiances how they'd like to be pleased. These women were in immaculate physical condition from balancing water jugs on their heads and carrying a baby on their back. Their ability to dance on a pole was probably indescribable. However, modern pole dancing began in the 1920s in travelling fairs. These were called Hoochie Coochies. Thus, what started off as a highly provocative dance between couples has transformed into a highly provocative dance between complete strangers.

This synthetic polymer has its roots in World War II. Scientist needed to create something to replace rubber, and in 1962, production of spandex reached full scale. What started out as a utility for war is now a primary component in fashion. It sits tightly against the body and allows elasticity when needed. Consider spandex fashion staples for females: Volleyball shorts (arguably the reason men even watch volleyball), yoga pants, bikinis, etc.  See a pattern? This mega fiber started as an important tool for war machinery, but now decorates the behinds of countless females in the world. 

The precursor to high heels dates back to Ancient Egypt. These shoes, made from leather, were generally worn by members of the upper class or butchers who wanted to avoid stepping on blood. However, heels were formally introduced in the 1500s by Catherine de Medici. When Medici, engaged to the Duke of Orleans, wore two inch heels everyone noticed...baby got back. Thus, a trend began. It was found that heels tighten and raise the tooshie and cause the wearer to walk in a seductive manner. Apparently it doesn't matter that women commit shoeicide every time they wear heels as long as they look good in the process. 

Horns, buckram, whale bones and a little lace here and there for aesthetic appeal. Sounds pleasant. Try shoving it against your rib cage for hours on end just to reduce your waistline by a few inches. The extremity of these 16th Century corsets illustrate the importance of fashion in our society. Although the 'ideal woman' has gone through several modifications over the centuries, the corset was the precursor to the Wonderbra. At this point, females got sick of compromising their respiratory system for a tinier waist, so they decided to make their boobs look bigger instead.

It would probably be inappropriate to show porn, so here's a cute video of a kitten instead! Research has shown that pornography may date back to the beginning of mankind. One website notes that researchers have found "rock paintings demonstrating coitus" next to other petroglyphs of ancient hunters. This would make sense because sex is one of the most basic instincts. However, I doubt these Neanderthals knew their intrinsic desire for sex would one day lead to the publication of Kama Sutra manuals and later a billion dollar industry. Yes, some females generate a healthy income from porn, but still...

Check out these beautiful women in this Maybelline foundation commercial. You too can have their flawlessly natural look by applying a generous coating of Dimethicone Copolyol Beeswax, Cetearyl Alcohol, and who knows what else to your face. Don't forget to top it off with a dust of bronze! The end product: skin that has a radiant glow, no wrinkles, and even no pores (apparently one's actual skin is no longer in style). If you think our current makeup trend is a bit excessive, consider what Ancient Greek and Roman women used to do. To achieve a fair complexion, they would actually apply a layer of white lead paint. The females would often suffer fatal poisoning. The only upside is they got to die in style...2012 is starting to look pretty good, huh? 

The fact that we females have to endure mass cramps and blood loss each month is angering enough as it is, but let's talk about shoving something between our crotch for hours. Can you blame us for getting a little moody? The concept of a tampon has been around for thousands of years; however, early forms included mosses, sea sponges, seaweed, cotton, etc. And if one was not fortunate enough to acquire these things, one simply let it flow out..Eww! Thank goodness Doctor Earle Haas invented our modern tampon (with applicator) in 1929. This is perhaps one of the greatest contributions men have ever made. Thank you Doc Haas. It feels so much better shoving wood or cotton fibers up our lady parts.