Your daily dose of WHATEVER!

Jennifer Garner Doesn't Just Want to Be Known as Ben Affleck's Wife 

JENNIFER GARNER says she purposely goes to events without BEN AFFLECK so she doesn't lose her own identity.  She tells "Allure" magazine, quote, "It's a very conscious decision . . . I think especially for women, they can really lose their identity and just become 'wife of'."  She also says she's afraid of Botox because she has a big forehead.

Will Arnett is Dating Billy Joel's Ex-Wife

"Arrested Development" star WILL ARNETT is reportedly nailing BILLY JOEL'S ex-wife KATIE LEE.  A source says she's Will's first serious girlfriend since he and AMY POEHLER divorced last year.

Will and Amy were married for nine years and have two young sons.  He's 43.  Katie and Billy were married for five years, and broke up in 2009.  She's 31.

Sharon Stone Stays in Shape By Not Doing "Dumb, Stupid, Unhappy Things" 

SHARON STONE is 55 years old and you'd STILL HIT IT.  How does she stay in shape?  It's pretty simple.  She says, quote, "I just do all the things you're supposed to do.  I eat right, I sleep, I work out, I'm happy.

"I choose the good things. I choose the happy, healthy things. I don't choose the bad, unhealthy, unhappy things.

"What if you just don't do the dumb, stupid, unhappy things?  Took me a long time to figure that out, but I think that's what it really is."

Where Did Celebrities Work Before They Were Famous? 

A new list of celebrities and their pre-fame jobs tells us that Sean Connery was a milkman, Kanye West worked at the Gap, Whoopi Goldberg was a phone sex operator and Ellen DeGeneres was an oyster shucker.  But they also say Rod Stewart was a grave digger, which isn't true.

Sean Connery:  Milkman


Kanye West,  Gap employee


Jennifer Aniston,  Telemarketer and bike messenger


Rachel McAdams,  McDonald's employee


Eva Longoria,  Wendy's employee


Sandra Bullock,  Bartender


Brad Pitt,  Limo driver / El Pollo Loco employee 

Tom Cruise,  Hotel bellhop


Jon Hamm,  Porn movie set designer 

Sylvester Stallone,  Lion cage cleaner at the Central Park Zoo


Ellen DeGeneres,  Oyster shucker 

Gwen Stefani,  Dairy Queen employee

Quentin Tarantino,  Usher at an adult movie theater

Whoopi Goldberg,  Mortuary beautician and phone sex operator

Tim Allen,  Cocaine dealer 

Ozzy Osbourne,  Slaughterhouse employee

Patrick Dempsey,  Juggler 

Katy Perry and Rihanna are Friends Again 

KATY PERRY and RIHANNA are friends again.  Although technically, we don't know if they ever WEREN'T.  But there were rumors earlier this year that Katy had given up on Rihanna because she kept messing with CHRIS BROWN.


The White House Made a "Mean Girls" Joke on Twitter 

I don't know who's in charge of the White House Twitter account, but they're obviously a fan of the movie "Mean Girls". 

Because yesterday, they Tweeted a picture of Bo, the First Dog, with a ball in his mouth . . . and the caption, "Bo, stop trying to make fetch happen." 

Is Christian Bale Being Offered $50 Million to Play Batman Again? 

The World Wide Web of Misinformation says that Warner Brothers is putting MASSIVE pressure on CHRISTIAN BALE to play Batman again, for "Batman vs. Superman".

"The Bachelorette" Finale Attracted 8.9 Million Viewers and Sunday's "Teen Choice Awards" Had 2.6 Million

The ninth season finale of "The Bachelorette" came in fourth place in the ratings, with an average of 8.9 million people tuning in to watch Desiree Hartsock find artificial true love with mortgage broker Chris Siegfried.

Most of them stuck around to watch the "After the Final Rose" special too.  It had 8.3 million viewers, and one of Desiree's earlier rejects, soccer stud Juan Pablo Galavis, was already named as your next "Bachelor".  Here are last week's Top 10 shows . . .

1.  "Under the Dome", CBS, 10.4 million viewers


2.  Wednesday's "America's Got Talent", NBC, 10.3 million viewers


3.  Tuesday's "America's Got Talent", NBC, 9.4 million viewers


4.  The ninth season finale of "The Bachelorette", ABC, 8.9 million viewers


5.  "60 Minutes", CBS, 8.2 million viewers


6.  "The Bachelorette: After The Final Rose", ABC, 8.3 million viewers


7.  "NCIS", CBS, 8 million viewers


8.  Sunday's "Big Brother", CBS, 7.1 million viewers


9.  "Unforgettable", CBS, 6.9 million viewers


10.  Thursday's "Big Brother", CBS, 6.6 million viewers

Here are some additional ratings that may interest you:

"Breaking Bad" was last week's top show on cable.  It returned for the second half of its fifth season on Sunday with 5.9 million viewers to set a new record for the show.


It was followed by the series premiere of "Low Winter Sun" . . . AMC's new show about a cop killer . . . which held onto 1.1 million "Breaking Bad" fans.



• The 1st season finale of NBC's "The Winner Is…" attracted 3.8 million viewers.



• The 4th season premiere of "T.I. & Tiny" was watched by 3.5 million people.



• The 2nd season premiere of "Marrying The Game" had 2.9 million viewers.



• Sunday's "Teen Choice Awards" . . . which included Lea Michelle's first public appearance since the death of Cory Monteith . . . was seen by 2.6 million people.



• The 8th season finale of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" had 2.2 million.

Wednesday TV Reminders:



"Big Brother 15" [Power of Veto competition] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.



"America's Got Talent" [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  The Backstreet Boys perform.



"Franklin & Bash" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT.



"Royal Pains" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on USA.  Countess LuAnn de Lesseps from "The Real Housewives of New York City" guests.



"South Beach Tow" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TruTV.



"Duck Dynasty" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.



"Deal With It" . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS.  This week guest celebrities are Adam Carolla and Alex Mandel.



"Watch What Happens:  Live" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Tamar Braxton and "Top Chef's" Padma Lakshmi are guests.

Early Morning Show Guests:


"The Today Show" - LA Dodgers athletic head trainer Sue Falsone and the cast of "Duck Dynasty".  Music Guest:  Jesse McCartney.


"Good Morning America" - No guests listed yet.  Check your local listings.


"CBS This Morning" - "The Talk's" Sara Gilbert and CNET's Brian Cooley.





Mid-Morning Show Guests:


"Live! With Kelly and Michael" - Forest Whitaker ("Lee Daniels' The Butler") and the cast of "Duck Dynasty".  Music Guest:  "American Idol" winner Candice Glover.  "Extra's" Maria Menounos co-hosts with Michael.


"The View" - "Secret Life's" Shailene Woodley ("The Spectacular Now"), Andrew Dice Clay, and comedian Tom Papa.  Jay Manuel co-hosts.  (REPEAT)


"Rachael Ray" - "Remote Control's" Colin Quinn, former MTV VJs Nina Blackwood, Martha Quinn, Mark Goodman, and Alan Hunter.  Music Guest:  Huey Lewis.  (REPEAT)


"Kris" - Anthony Anderson co-hosts and talks to "Top Chef's" Tiffany Derry.

This Afternoon On TV:


"Ellen DeGeneres" - Beth Behrs ("2 Broke Girls") and Neil Patrick Harris ("How I Met Your Mother").  (REPEAT)


"The Talk" - Selena Gomez.  Music Guest:  Il Volo.  Marie Osmond co-hosts.


"Katie Couric" - Trisha Yearwood, interior designer Leigh Anne Tuohy ("Family Addition with Leigh Anne Tuohy"), and comedienne Kym Whitley.  (REPEAT)


"Steve Harvey" - Advice for reeling in troubled teens.  (REPEAT)


"Dr. Phil" - "Confronting the Girl Who Shot Me in the Face".  A woman confronts the person who shot her during a grocery-store robbery.  (REPEAT)


"Dr. Oz Show" - Fitness trainer Tony Horton shares his three-rule, 90-day plan and 10-minute miracle workout to transform your body.  (REPEAT)


"Wendy Williams" - "The Chew's" Carla Hall (for her book "Cooking with Love: Comfort Food That Hugs You") and "Top Chef's" Padma Lakshmi.  (REPEAT)

Tonight's Late Night Talk Shows:



"Letterman" - Jason Sudeikis ("We're the Millers").  Music Guest:  Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros.  (REPEAT)



"Jimmy Kimmel" - Oprah Winfrey ("Lee Daniels' The Butler") and Christopher Mintz-Plasse ("Kick-Ass 2").  Music Guest:  The Wanted.



"The Tonight Show" - Steve Carell ("Despicable Me 2") and author Ken Ilgunas ("Walden on Wheels: On The Open Road from Debt to Freedom").  Music Guest:  Barenaked Ladies.  (REPEAT)



"Craig Ferguson" - Rebecca Hall ("Iron Man 3") and Kevin Bacon ("The Following").  (REPEAT)



"Jimmy Fallon" - Freddie Highmore ("Bates Motel") and Katie Couric.  Music Guest:   Justin Timberlake.  (REPEAT)



"Carson Daly" - Comedian Deon Cole and a look at the documentary "Dirty Wars".  Music Guests:  Kimbra.  (REPEAT)



"Conan" - Josh Gad ("Jobs") and Eric Bana ("Closed Circuit").  Music Guest:  The National.



"Jon Stewart" - Regis Philbin (Fox Sports 1's "Crowd Goes Wild").



"The Colbert Report" - Kevin Spacey (Netflix's "House of Cards").



"Chelsea Lately" - Amber Heard ("Paranoia").

Stupid News...

The Most Aggressive Drivers Are Men in Blue BMWs . . . and the Worst Time for Road Rage Is 5:45 P.M. on Fridays

According to a new survey, BMW drivers are the most likely to have road rage, just ahead of Land Rover drivers.  People in blue cars are more likely than people in other color cars to have road rage.  And the worst time of the week for road rage is 5:45 P.M. on a Friday.

(Daily Mail)

Men Named John, David, and Steve Have the Best Success in Business . . . Men Named Tony, Matthew, and Jimmy Have the Worst

According to a new study, men named John, David, and Steve have the most SUCCESS in business, and usually make the most MONEY.  Guys named Paul, Alan, and Richard also do well.  And men named Tony, Matthew, and Jimmy do the WORST.

.  (Daily Mail)

A Quarter of the American Population Is Enrolled in School . . . and Three More Back-to-School Stats

Here are a few back-to-school stats for you.  79 million American children and adults are enrolled in school . . . that's about one-quarter of the population.  80% of kids lost something at school last year, usually a hat, gloves, or school supplies.  And Americans spend at least $10.5 billion on back-to-school clothes, books, and supplies.

1.  79 million children and adults are enrolled in school in the U.S., from nursery school up through college.  That's about one-quarter of the population.



2.  15% of all college students in the U.S. are 35 or older.  They're more likely to be part-time than younger people.



3.  According to parents, 80% of their kids lost something at school last year.  Kids are most likely to lose a hat and gloves or school supplies.



4.  Americans spend a total of at least $10.5 billion on back-to-school clothes, books, and supplies.  (PR Newswire / PR Newswire)

You're More Likely to Have Sex After You Randomly Meet Someone at a Party Than After a Date

Here's an interesting look at how CASUAL SEX has evolved.  A new study found college students are more likely to have sex after they randomly meet someone at a party than they are after a first date.  The main reason?  Both men and women say the goal of going to parties is to HAVE FUN . . . but the goal of going on dates is to actually get to know someone.


A Cop Who Had Sex on Duty Gets to Keep His Job . . . Because He Kept His Pants Around His Ankles So He Could Still Reach His Gun?

Back in April of 2010, a 36-year-old police officer in Wales met up with a married woman and had sex with her while he was on duty.  So he was fired.  But on Monday, an appeals panel ruled he should KEEP his job . . . because he only dropped his pants to his ankles during sex.  That meant he could easily reach down and grab his gun if there was an emergency.

(Daily Mail) 

What Did Your Family Do When You Were Growing Up, That You Learned Later Wasn't Normal?

What did your family do when you were growing up that you didn't realize was WEIRD at the time?  Here are a few answers from a discussion online.  "We had a cake with candles and sang 'Happy Birthday' to Jesus every Christmas" . . . "I blew my nose right into the sink" . . . and "We were always naked around each other." 


The More Siblings You Have, the Less Likely You Are to Get Divorced?

According to a new study, the more siblings you have, the less likely you are to get divorced.  For every sibling, your risk of getting divorced drops 2%.  So a person with three brothers or sisters is 6% less likely to get divorced than an only child.  The researchers think it happens because growing up with siblings gives you extra experience in living, sharing, and dealing with other people.

(U.S. News & World Report)

Parents Fight 187 Times the Year After Their First Child Is Born

According to a recent survey, new parents fight 187 times the year after their first child is born . . . 42% more than they did before.  Most of the fights are minor though:  33% are over whose turn it is to change the baby's diaper, and 24% are over who has to get out of bed to feed it.

(Daily Mail)

Taco Bell Has Announced Its New Doritos Locos Taco, and It's Not Called What Everyone in the Media Said It Was Going to be Called

Yesterday, Taco Bell announced its brand new Doritos Locos Taco flavor.  It's called the Fiery Doritos Locos Taco, and it's covered in a spicy red powder with a hint of lime.  They go on sale nationwide one week from tomorrow.

(Taco Bell)

Celebrity Birthdays

Tim Tebow - 26  (Did Jesus make Aaron Hernandez kill a guy so that Tim could get a job with the New England Patriots?  Discuss with your pastor.)  (???)



Mila Kunis - 30  (Mila was actually born in the Ukraine, back when it was still part of the USSR.  Oh, and six years after "That '70s Show" went off the air, Ashton Kutcher FINALLY got a piece of this.)



Al Shearer - 36  (MTV "TRL" VJ and "Punk'd" field agent.)



Christopher Gorham - 39  (To ME, he'll always be "Jake 2.0" but most of you would know him as Betty's ex-boyfriend Henry on "Ugly Betty" and the groom Henry on "Harper's Island" . . . who turns out to be THE KILLER.  Oh sorry, did I spoil the ending?  Now he's Auggie Anderson on "Covert Affairs".)



CATHERINE BELL - 45  ("J.A.G." goddess, Major Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie.  Now she's on that show "Army Wives".)



Jennifer Flavin - 45  (Sylvester Stallone's "young" wife.)






Susan Olsen - 52  (Cindy on "The Brady Bunch".  Now enjoys doing standup comedy and throwing up on morning radio shows.)

Sarah Brightman - 53  (Christine in "Phantom of the Opera".  When her ex-husband Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the musical version of "Phantom", he was already planning to cast her as Christine . . . and wrote the song "The Music Of The Night" just for her.)



Marcia Gay Harden - 54  (Oscar winner for "Pollock" in 2000.  She "hardens" me, and I'm not gay.  Is that cool?)



Magic Johnson - 54


RELATED COMEDY:  (CAREFUL)  Magic Johnson turns 54 today.  Still no word yet on how that's possible.



Rusty Wallace - 57  (NASCAR redneck.  He drove the #2 Dodge Intrepid for Miller Lite.)



JACKÉE! - 57  (SANDRA CLARK ON THE SMASH TV HIT "227".  She also lost some of her delicious candy coating on "Celebrity Fit Club 2".)



Bob Backlund - 63  (WWF Hall of Famer.  He lost the WWF Title in 1983 when the Iron Sheik got him with his patented Camel Clutch.  In 1994, Backlund defeated Bret Hart for the title, thanks to HIS finishing move, the Cross-Face Chicken Wing.)



Danielle Steel - 66  (Chick book author.)



ANTONIO "FRICKIN" FARGAS! - 67  (Huggy Bear on "Starsky & Hutch", FLYGUY IN "I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA" and last, but not least, Doodlebug Simkins in "Cleopatra Jones"!)

Susan Saint James - 67  ("Wife" on "McMillian & Wife", starring HIV-positive Rock Hudson.  She later became Kate on "Kate & Allie".  Susan Saint James was last seen at "Wrestlemania 2" in 1986.  The stars come out for Wrestlemania.)



Steve Martin - 68


RELATED COMEDY:  Steve Martin turns 68 today.  Which means that in just three more years, he'll finally be as old as he's always looked.



David Crosby - 72  (Sperm donor.  I think he sings, too.)



Lynne Cheney - 72  (Wife of a heart-attack machine AND mother of a heart-stopping lesbian.)



DASH CROFTS - 73  (SEALS & CROFTS.  Biggest hit:  1972's "Summer Breeze".  Second biggest hit:  1973's "Diamond Girl".  Next biggest hit:  Rock bottom.  APB on Seals & Crofts.  Somebody look under Loggins & Messina AND Hall & Oates.)



Alice Ghostley - Would have been 89 - (1924 - 2007)  (Bernice Clifton on "Designing Women" and Esmeralda on "Bewitched".)


Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 16 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 25 days until Grandparents Day

• 36 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 63 days until Boss's Day

• 78 days until Halloween

• 1,255 days left of "Hope and Change"

Back in the day...

257 years ago . . . in 1756 - DANIEL BOONE married 16-year-old Rebecca Bryan.  Their marriage lasted 56 years, and they had 10 children . . . including one named Jemima.  (True.)



112 years ago . . . in 1901 - NURSE CLARA MAASS was so determined to prove YELLOW FEVER was spread by mosquitoes, she allowed herself to be bitten by one.  And she was right.  But, she was dead within two weeks.



78 years ago . . . in 1935 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the SOCIAL SECURITY ACT into law, creating unemployment insurance and pension plans for the elderly . . . and eventually, the lazy.  (SOCIALIST!!!)



68 years ago . . . in 1945 - WORLD WAR 2 ENDED with Japan's surrender.



60 years ago . . . in 1953 - David Mullany Sr. noticed his 13-year-old son was having a difficult time playing baseball with tennis balls because he was always breaking windows and / or losing the balls on the school roof . . .


. . . The kid also showed no skills throwing a curve ball.  So Mr. Mullany took a round-shaped perfume carton and poked holes into both halves of it.  When he threw the new "ball," it curved.  His amazing new invention was called the WIFFLE BALL.



42 years ago . . . in 1971 - ROD STEWART released his first and greatest hit, "MAGGIE MAY".



26 years ago . . . in 1987 - "DISORDERLIES" WAS RELEASED . . . STARRING THE FAT BOYS.

24 years ago . . . in 1989 - BON JOVI'S album "New Jersey" became the first American album legally released in the Soviet Union.  The Russian label Melodiya paid the group with a TRUCKLOAD OF FIREWOOD since rubles couldn't leave Russia.

14 years ago . . . in 1999 - Fallen former teen idol LEIF GARRETT pleaded guilty to drug possession to get into a rehabilitation program.

13 years ago . . . in 2000 - Riot police fired pepper spray and rubber bullets to clear a crowd of 9,000 people at a free RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE concert outside the Democratic National Convention in L.A.

11 years ago . . . in 2002 - DROWNING POOL'S lead singer, DAVE WILLIAMS, was found DEAD in the band's tour bus during the Ozzfest tour.  He was only 30 years old. 



Drugs and alcohol were NOT the cause.  Dave died of cardiomyopathy . . . a disease of the heart muscle, for which he'd never been diagnosed.

10 years ago . . . in 2003 - A BLACKOUT hit the northeastern United States and part of Canada . . . and 50 million people lost power.

7 years ago . . . in 2006 - BRUNO KIRBY . . . who played Billy Crystal's friend in both "City Slickers" and "When Harry Met Sally" . . . died of complications from leukemia.  He was 57.