Whatever 9.27

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!!

Kanye West is Whining on Twitter Because Jimmy Kimmel Made Fun of Him 

KANYE WEST went off on JIMMY KIMMEL on Twitter yesterday, after Kimmel made fun of Kanye on Wednesday's show.  Kanye said stuff like, "Jimmy Kimmel is out of line to try and spoof in any way the first piece of honest media in years", and "Sarah Silverman is a thousand times funnier than you and the whole world knows it!!!"  Kimmel claims this is NOT a prank.

Chelsea Handler is Single Again 

If your dream is to sleep with a drunken CHELSEA HANDLER, now's your chance.  She's single again.

A source says that Chelsea's on-again, off-again boyfriend Andre Balazs has been telling friends that it's, quote, "definitely over."

Another source says Chelsea has, quote, "stopped wearing the vintage compass necklace Andre gave her."

Kaley Cuoco from "The Big Bang Theory" is Engaged to a Guy She's Been With for Three Months 

KALEY CUOCO from "The Big Bang Theory" is engaged to pro tennis player RYAN SWEETING . . . even though they've only been dating for about THREE MONTHS.

A source says, quote, "She knows Ryan is the one.  When you know, you know."  Ryan supposedly popped the question on Wednesday.

Lamar Odom Was On a Crack Binge With Two Women . . . And He DID Write That Tweet About His Dad 

Sources say LAMAR ODOM had been holed up in a private house in a gated community 100 miles from Los Angeles, partying and smoking crack with TWO WOMEN.  But he left Wednesday night and returned to L.A.

Former "Suite Life on Deck" Star Dylan Sprouse Is Working at a Restaurant . . . But He Says He's "Financially Secure" 

DYLAN SPROUSE from the Disney Channel shows "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" and "The Suite Life on Deck" was recently spotted working at a New York City restaurant.  But he says he's "financially secure", and just doing it to "try a new experience . . . socialize and get out of the house."

Did Oprah Lay the Smack Down on Lindsay Lohan? 

LINDSAY LOHAN is working on a reality show for OPRAH WINFREY'S OWN channel . . . but it sounds like she was up to her old tricks.  Until Oprah brought the hammer down.

At the beginning of the project, Lindsay was being difficult . . . no-showing, being a diva and that kind of thing.  So Oprah went to see her at her mom DINA'S house on Long Island, and she got a bunch of excuses.

But Oprah wasn't having it.  She told Lindsay to shape up or she could kiss her $2 MILLION paycheck goodbye.  That was about a month ago, and things have been running smoothly ever since.

The Romantic Comedies "Don Jon" and "Baggage Claim" Take on a Racing Movie and the Animated "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" Sequel

1.  "Don Jon"  (R)  Trailer

Joseph Gordon Levitt makes his directorial debut with a romantic comedy he also wrote.  He plays a guy whose porn addiction clashes with Scarlett Johansson's old-fashioned expectations from watching too many romantic Hollywood movies.

Julianne Moore is a sexy older woman who steers him away from his unrealistic porn fantasies, and Tony Danza plays his father.  It's the first time he's worked with Tony since he did "Angels in the Outfield" when he was 12.

2.  "Baggage Claim"  (PG-13)  Trailer

Paula Patton plays a flight attendant who's so desperate for a date to her little sister's wedding, she agrees to stalk her ex-boyfriends through her job.

Jill Scott and Adam Brody track the movement of her exes, who include Derek Luke, Taye Diggs, Boris Kodjoe, and Djimon Hounsou.  Rapper Trey Songz shows up in a bubble bath scene . . . with Tia Mowry as the crazy chick trying to get in there with him.

3.  "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2"  (PG)  Trailer

"SNL's" Bill Hader return for this animated sequel about a guy who invented a machine that turns water into food.  We thought he'd destroyed it at the end of the first movie, but it turns out the machine survived and now it's making food-animal hybrids.

Anna Faris is back as his dorky girlfriend, and Neil Patrick Harris is the voice of Steve the monkey.  Andy Samberg, Benjamin Bratt and Terry Crews are in it too.

4.  "Rush"  (R)  (Trailer)

Chris Hemsworth plays a Formula One racecar driver in a vicious rivalry with an Austrian opponent in the 1970s.  Olivia Wilde plays his wife, and it's directed by Ron Howard and based on a true story. 

RELATED COMEDY:  "Rush" opens nationwide today.  I'm so excited.  I LOVE Canadian progressive rock.  My fingers are crossed it's a hit and they do a movie about Nickelback.

5.  And now, some other releases you may or may not care about:

--"Metallica Through the Never" is a concert movie featuring live performances made exclusively for the film.  There's also a side story starring Dane DeHaan, as a roadie sent on an urgent mission that turns surreal after he's involved in a car crash.  .

(An IMAX version hits 300 theaters today before the movie expands nationwide next week.)  (Trailer)

--"Muscle Shoals" is a documentary about the small Alabama town that inspired a ton of rock artists with its unique sound.  It features interviews with Aretha Franklin, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Bono, Alicia Keys, Steve Winwood, Jimmy Cliff, Percy Sledge, and Greg Allman.  (Trailer)

--"Inequality for All" is a documentary where former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich attempts to raise awareness of the widening economic gap in the U.S.  He served under the Clinton and Carter Administrations.  (Trailer)

--"We Are What We Are" is a horror thriller starring blonde minx Ambyr Childers as a member of a family that secretly EATS PEOPLE.  You may know her as Elizabeth Dodd in "The Master".  Kurt Russell's son Wyatt is also in it as a town deputy.  (Trailer)

The "Breaking Bad" Series Finale Is Expected to Draw 8 Million Viewers . . . Plus, the 10 Highest Rated TV Finales of All Time 

"Breaking Bad" will come to an end on Sunday night, and it's expected to attract around 8 million viewers.  That's a huge number for cable, but it wouldn't top "The Sopranos" series finale in 2007, which attracted 11.9 million viewers.  Of course, "M*A*S*H" had the highest rated series finale of all time, with 105.9 million viewers in 1983.

1.  "M*A*S*H", 105.9 million viewers in 1983  (CBS)

2.  "Cheers", 80.4 million viewers in 1993  (NBC)

3.  "Seinfeld", 76.3 million viewers in 1998  (NBC)

4.  "Friends", 52.5 million viewers in 2004  (NBC)

5.  "Magnum P.I.", 50.7 million viewers in 1988  (CBS)

6.  "The Cosby Show", 44.4 million viewers in 1992  (NBC)

7.  Johnny Carson's "The Tonight Show" finale, 41.4 million viewers in 1992  (NBC)

8.  "All in the Family", 40.2 million viewers in 1979  (CBS)

9.  "Family Ties", 36.3 million viewers in 1989  (NBC)

10.  "Home Improvement", 35.5 million viewers in 1999  (ABC)

Friday TV Reminders:

• "Masterchef: Junior Edition" [Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.  Twenty-four kids between the ages of 8 and 13 are challenged to prepare meals for chef Gordon Ramsay and his panel of judges.

• "Undercover Boss" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "Perfect Score" [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on the CW.

• "Dateline NBC" [Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.

• "Hawaii Five-0" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "Roman Polanski: Odd Man Out". . . 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Showtime.  A look at director Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland and their decision not to extradite him to the U.S.

(The woman Polanski drugged and raped when she was a 13-year-old girl back in the '70s forgave him a long time ago.  You can read what she has to say about the case here.)

• "Blue Bloods" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "The Heart, She Holler" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 12:30 A.M. to 1:00 A.M. on Adult Swim.

Saturday TV Reminders:

• "Cedar Cove" [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Hallmark.

• "Austin City Limits" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS.  Jack White performs.

• "My Ghost Story" [5th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bio.

• "48 Hours" [27th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "Saturday Night Live" [39th Season Premiere] . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Tina Fey guest hosts and Arcade Fire is the musical guest.

Sunday TV Reminders:

• "Sunday Night Football" . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC.  The Atlanta Falcons host the New England Patriots at Georgia Dome in Atlanta.

• "60 minutes" [46th Season Premiere] . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "Once Upon A Time" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.  There's an hour recap of the first two seasons called "Once Upon A Time: Journey to Neverland" at 7:00 P.M., if that's your thing.

• "Amazing Race" [23rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "The Simpsons" [25th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on Fox.  It's a spoof of Showtime's "Homeland" with Kristen Wiig as FBI terrorist expert Annie.

• "Bob's Burgers" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.

• "Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off" [3rd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Food Network.

• "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" [5th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Bravo.

• "Austin & Ally" [2nd Season Finale] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Disney Channel.

• "Revenge" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

• "The Good Wife" [5th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  Jeffrey Tambor guest stars as a judge while Barry Scheck stars as himself.

• "Family Guy" [12th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox.

More Sunday TV Reminders:

• "American Dad" [9th Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

• "Breaking Bad" [Series Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:15 P.M. on AMC . . . followed by "Talking Bad"from 10:15 to 11:15 P.M.

• "Homeland" [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Showtime.

• "Watch What Happens:  Live" [Special Presentation] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo.  Teresa and Joe Giudice ("The Real Housewives of New Jersey") are guests.

• "Betrayal" [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.  Hannah Ware plays an unhappily married photographer who begins an affair with a lawyer for a rich powerful family.  He's played by Stuart Townsend.  "E.T.'s" Henry Thomas is also in it.

• "The Mentalist" [6th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.

• "Eastbound & Down" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on HBO.

• "Hello Ladies" [Series Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on HBO.  Stephen Merchant from the British version of the "Office" and "Extras" stars as a web designer who relocates to L.A. in the hopes of seeking romance, excitement, and a soul mate.

• "Masters of Sex" [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Showtime.  Lizzy Caplan and Michael Sheen star as sex researchers Virginia Johnson and Dr. William Masters as they examine the science of human sexuality.

• "Eric & Jessie: Game On" [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on E!  NFL star Eric Decker scores his own show when he and his fiancé, country singer Jessie James, prepare for their upcoming wedding and a new home in Denver.

Early Morning Show Guests:

• "The Today Show" - "SNL's" Kenan Thompson ("The Awesomes").  Music Guest:  Icona Pop.

• "Good Morning America" - Emily VanCamp ("Revenge"), and country legends Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.

• "CBS This Morning" - Director Tyler Perry and Fodor's Travel executive editorial director Arabella Bowen.

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

• "Live! With Kelly and Michael" - Emily VanCamp ("Revenge") and Julianna Margulies ("The Good Wife").

• "The View" - "SNL's" Kenan Thompson and author Stephen King ("Doctor Sleep: A Novel").  "The Real Housewives of Miami's" Ana Quincoces co-hosts.

• "Rachael Ray" - Donnie Wahlberg ("Blue Bloods") and chef Jacques Pépin.  Music Guest:  Gloria Estefan.

This Afternoon On TV:

• "Ellen DeGeneres" - Julie Bowen ("Modern Family"), Nicki Minaj, and Mario Lopez ("The X Factor") guest DJ's.

• "The Talk" - Alex O'Loughlin ("Hawaii Five-0").  Music Guest:  Olly Murs.

• "Katie Couric" - Julianna Margulies ("The Good Wife") and Bill Hader ("Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2").

• "Steve Harvey" - "Steve's Tips for How to Blend a Family, plus the Best Techniques for Combining Children and Coping with Bad Behavior".

• "Dr. Phil" - "Explosive Anger".  People who become violent and have rage issues.

• "Dr. Oz Show" - The side effect of artificial sweeteners.

• "Wendy Williams" - Dr. Mehmet Oz and HollywoodLife.com's Chloe Melas.

• "Bethenny" - Brandi Glanville ("The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills") and "Wheel of Fortune" loser Paul Atkinson . . . the guy who had an easy win but failed because he couldn't pronounce his solution correctly.

• "Queen Latifah Show" - Sofía Vergara ("Modern Family"), Josh Radnor ("How I Met Your Mother"), and Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade.

Tonight's Late Night Talk Shows:

• "Letterman" - Steve Martin and comedienne Kathleen Madigan.  Music Guests:  The Krüger Brothers with Steve Martin.

• "Jimmy Kimmel" - Amy Poehler ("Parks and Recreation") and Stephen Merchant ("Hello Ladies").  Music Guest:  Bastille.  (REPEAT)

• "The Tonight Show" - Sandra Bullock ("Gravity").  Music Guest:  Gregory Porter.

• "Jimmy Fallon" - Julianna Margulies ("The Good Wife") and Michael Sheen (Showtime's "Masters of Sex").  Music Guest:  Superchunk.

• "Carson Daly" - Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer (MTV's "Nikki & Sara Live!"), plus the cast of Discovery's "River Monsters".  Music Guest:  Damien Jurado.  (REPEAT)

• "Arsenio" - Paula Patton ("Baggage Claim") and Anson Mount ("Hell on Wheels").  Music Guest:  Gloria Estefan.

• "Craig Ferguson" - Julia Louis-Dreyfus ("Enough Said").

• "Chelsea Lately" - Leah Remini ("Dancing with the Stars").  (REPEAT)

Which Is Better To Wake Up To:  Coffee or Morning Sex?

Which is better to wake up to:  Coffee or morning sex?  According to a new survey, more than HALF of people say it's better to wake up to . . . COFFEE.  And more than half ALSO say they could go longer without sex than without coffee.

The Third Year of Marriage Is the Happiest . . . the Fifth Year Is the Worst

A new survey has found the THIRD year of marriage is the happiest . . . and the FIFTH year is the hardest.  It also found that the SEVENTH year is the tipping point . . . if you make it to seven years and you're still happy, you're probably going to make it for the long haul.

(Daily Telegraph)

Four Out of Five Americans Say It's Appropriate to Spank Your Kids

Americans are more okay with physically punishing kids than we realized.  In a new poll, 81% of people say it's sometimes appropriate to SPANK YOUR KID.  But the younger you are, the less likely you are to believe it's okay.

.  (Harris Interactive)

Half of Americans "Created Art" Last Year . . . But Dancing at a Wedding and Instagramming Your Breakfast Count as Creating Art

According to a new survey by the National Endowment for the Arts, about HALF of Americans created art last year.  BUT . . . it's because they have a VERY loose definition of art.  The top three ways people "created art" last year were dancing in social situations, sharing photos online, and sharing music online.

.  (Arts.gov)

What's Your Favorite Seasonal Food?

We're in the middle of pumpkin season . . . but is that the BEST season for foods?  Here are people's five favorite seasonal foods:  Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Eggs . . . eggnog . . . pumpkin pie . . . McDonald's Shamrock shakes . . . and the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte.

1.  Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Eggs.

2.  Eggnog.

3.  Pumpkin pie.

4.  McDonald's Shamrock shakes.

5.  Candy corn.

6.  Seasonal beers, especially ones in fall with pumpkin flavoring.

7.  Apple cider.

8.  And, yes, pumpkin spice lattes. 

(Reddit)

A Major Pasta Company CEO Says He Doesn't Want Gays Eating His Spaghetti

On Wednesday, the CEO of the pasta company Barilla was on an Italian radio show and said, quote, "We won't include gays in our ads, because we like the traditional family.  If gays don't like it, they can always eat another brand of pasta."  Yesterday he sort-of apologized, saying, quote, "I apologize if my words generated misunderstandings or controversy."

(America Blog)

Bill Gates Says "Control-Alt-Delete" Was a Huge Mistake

:  Whenever you're using Windows and the computer starts freezing up, you hit CONTROL-ALT-DELETE . . . which lets you restart and try again.  Well, according to BILL GATES, control-alt-delete was never supposed to be a thing.  They wanted a single key to restart the computer, but the keyboard designer didn't make one.  So they used control-alt-delete and it stuck.

.  (ABC News)

The Guy Who Invented Whac-A-Mole Just Blew Up a Building in Orlando

:  In 1976, a guy named Aaron Fechter invented WHAC-A-MOLE . . . and maybe he should get back to inventing games.  Because yesterday, he was trying to create an experimental cooking fuel . . . and BLEW UP a warehouse in Florida.  Fortunately, he got out safely and there were no injuries.  Fire officials are investigating.

(CBS 6 - Orlando)

The Top Ten Party Schools According to "Playboy" Magazine

"Playboy's" list of the top ten PARTY SCHOOLS is out, and West Virginia University took the top spot this year, followed by the University of Wisconsin, the University of Colorado, the University of Southern California, and Florida State.

1.  West Virginia University

2.  University of Wisconsin

3.  University of Colorado

4.  University of Southern California

5.  Florida State

6.  University of Texas

7.  Louisiana State University

8.  University of Georgia

9.  Arizona State

10.  University of Maryland  (USA Today) 

Avril Lavigne - 29  (The new Queen of Nickelback.)

Lil' Wayne - 31  (Young Urban Troubadour.)

Cytherea - 32  (Redheaded mattress actress who has starred in 372 fine films, including "Flirtin And Squirtin", "Eager Beavers 6", and "Girlgasms 2".)

Gwyneth Paltrow - 41

MARK CALDERON! - 43  (En fuego Latino in Color Me Badd.)

Tamara Taylor - 43  (Delicious Nubian doctor Camille Saroyan on "Bones".)

Stephan Jenkins - 49  (Lead singer of Third Eye Blind . . . and the FOOL who let Charlize Theron get away.)

SHAUN CASSIDY! - 55  (No longer one of "The Hardy Boys" . . . but still hairless.)  (He's now a TV producer.  His shows include "Cold Case", "Invasion", "The Agency", and "Ruby & the Rockits".)

Meat Loaf - 66  (Fainting machine.)

Denis Lawson - 66  (WEDGE ANTILLES.  True "Star Wars" fans know Wedge from all three movies of the original trilogy . . . and know about the "FAKE WEDGE" during the "Yavin briefing" scene in "Return Of The Jedi".)

Randy Bachman - 70  (Chubby Guess Who AND Bachman-Turner Overdrive guitarist.  Randy and Fred Turner are recording and touring again as Bachman & Turner . . . no Overdrive this time.)

WILFORD BRIMLEY! - 79  (Quaker Oats pitchman . . . and the nasty head of security in "The Firm".)  (Wilford is a LEGIT cowboy.  Back in the day, he was a rodeo rider, a blacksmith, a bodyguard for HOWARD HUGHES, and then a stuntman, before becoming an actor.)

James Dole - (1877 - 1958)  (Canned pineapple king.)

Greg Ham - (1953 - 2012)  (The flute player in Men at Work.)

DON CORNELIUS! - Would have been 77 - (1936 - 2012)  (Creator and former host of "SOOOUUULLL Train".)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• Today is Native American Day

• 16 days to "The Walking Dead"

• 19 days until Boss's Day

• 34 days until Halloween

• 37 days until Daylight Savings Ends

• 1,211 days left of "Hope and Change"

97 years ago . . . in 1916 - The first NATIVE AMERICAN DAY was celebrated to honor American Indians.

49 years ago . . . in 1964 - The Warren Commission Report on the JFK assassination was released.  It concluded that there was NO CONSPIRACY in the assassination, domestic OR international, and that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

38 years ago. . . in 1975 - John Denver's "I'm Sorry" hit #1 on the pop singles chart.

38 years ago . . . in 1975 - The theme from "Jaws", by JOHN WILLIAMS, peaked at #32 on the pop singles chart.  (???)  (If you'd like to learn the "Jaws" theme, here are the very complicated musical notes.  Good luck.)

27 years ago . . . in 1986 - Revitalized by the movies "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Back to School", THE BEATLES' song "Twist And Shout" re-entered the charts and peaked at #23.

22 years ago . . . in 1991 - "Rodeo" by GARTH BROOKS hit #1.

17 years ago . . . in 1996 - THE TALIBAN drove the President of Afghanistan out of office and captured the capital city of Kabul. . . which was basically the beginning of their evil, iron-fisted reign.

16 years ago . . . in 1997 - BOB DYLAN met the Pope.  Dylan was handpicked by the Vatican to play at a Roman Catholic Youth Rally in Italy because of his "sincere religious beliefs".  (Afterwards, Dylan shared a few incomprehensible words with PJP2 (Pope John Paul the 2nd).

16 years ago . . . in 1997 - COOLIO married Josefa Salinas.  I believe they may be interracially taboo.

8 years ago . . . in 2005 - The Atlanta Braves clinched their 14th straight division title.

2 years ago . . . in 2011 - 85-year-old TONY BENNETT became the oldest living person to top the charts in the U.S. when his album "Duets II" went to number one.

10 Year Flashback:  "Saturday Night Live" Will Add Two New Cast Members for This Season . . . and Flash-Forward to Kenan Thompson Still Hanging Around

Our Flashback section features a story we were talking about on The Complete Sheet 10 years ago to this day.  We've also added some modern perspective to give these stories some context today.