Intern Cheyenne is back to read your #secrets for the second to last time this semester. Today's theme was 'What's the funniest #secret do you have about your kid?' and most of the #secrets ending up being things your kids said. Really, funny and slightly inappropriate things that your kids have said.

So, let's get to the secrets!  What’s the Funniest Secret you have about your kid?

  • My 5 year old daughter poops every 2 or 3 days, she clogs the toilet almost every time she poops. She always wants me to take a picture and send it to my dad. I'm sure his phone is full of poop pictures!
  • I was a nanny for 3 years. The Boy and I are playing catch and I have a terrible throw that sails over his head. I say, “Sorry, that was a bad throw.” He stops, gives me a kind look and says, “No Caiti e, that was a wonderful throw.” Then he takes 2 steps towards getting the ball. He stops again, turns back around and says, “When we say something nice, even when we don’t mean it at all, that’s called being polite, right?”
  • My son is now a 23 yr old mechanical engineer making Corporation c hanging decisions but when he was 7 or 8 years old he used to want to take a bubble bath with candles when he had a bad day😊
  • After a fun night of partying at our house our oldest daughter had a little accident overnight in bed.....she peed the bed and was so trying to keep it under wraps but her hubby threw her under the bus hahaha
  • My son was breaking the rules and smoking pot brought it into my house and I stole all of it he still doesn't know it was me
  • (Funniest secret about my kids) I secretly eat off my kids candy stash, and when they ask, I just say that the tooth fairy doesn't want any cavities on her next visit
  • My daughter got her training seat stuck on her head and we had to call the fire department to pull it off
  • When my son was 2 weeks old I had to take him to the ER, the doctor had a pretty difficult time trying to get his rectal temp. He finally got it and as I was cleaning my son up, I lifted his legs up and wiped him. Apparently I thought he was thirsty, because I put his legs down and he had peed right in his face and mouth. I felt so bad, but if you could have seen his face!!! Imagine a baby tasting a lemon for the first time. Yep. That's the one 😂😂
  • Our daughter is deathly afraid of butterflies. My husband likes to take her to Meijer Gardens just to see what happens.
  • My son was nervous for one of his front teeth to fall out. He has oddly strong teeth so he had a lot of anxiety around the pain. His method to get the tooth out was to have one of his classmates use his own hand to punch out his tooth. And it only took them 15 tries!
  • My kid is a natural at cursing... he's five! It may have something to do with his dad being a trucker 😳😂
  • My 3 year old was potty training she only had loose shorts on no underwear. She pooped in the kitchen. When I asked her if she did it she said " no the cats pooped in the kitchen"
  • My son was about 4 he would put his toys in his unders and walk on the treadmill.
  • My two year old legitimately thinks she's a cat.. if you ask her a question she will either hiss or meow at you.. depends if she likes what you're saying or not!
  • When my son was about 7 he was taking A bath which he loves. I happen to go in the bathroom to check on him and do u know what he was playing with? He had gone in the trash and retrieved a douche bottle. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was playing with my squirt gun...ewww
  • My daughter was obsessed with boobs as a toddler...so much so that she wanted to be a boobs for Halloween and wanted the nipples as a hat. She would explain to us how it looked. Then when we were shopping at kohls she would run to the bras...squeeze the cups and say boobie boobie!😂 😂
  • Funniest secret about my child: when she was a toddler she learned the proper names for all of her body parts. She would run around naked after bathtime and dance in front of mirrors singing " I have a paaaginaaa! I have a paaaaginaaa🎶
  • He was supposed to be vacuuming his room and his door was shut and when I opened it he was using the hose as a pleasure pleaser, I was just like that's gross and walked out. The look on his face was so frogging funny.
  • It's not really a secret and it's not my child. But when my brother had his first erection as a small child he told my mom to feel it. When she refused the offer he said "it's okay momma it won't break it's got a bone in it!"
  • Until my daughter was 10 years old, she actually thought all parents had eyes on the back of their head.
  • We received a bag of hand-me-down clothing from friends of ours if you years ago. Getting ready for school one morning, my son came out wearing a shirt with a duck sitting inside an egg smoking a cigarette. On the shirt at said I just got laid. I had to diplomatically explain to my 7 year old why he couldn't wear that shirt lol.
  • My sweet daughter wouldn't poo on the potty til she was well into 4 years old. She'd take the iPad, go in the bathroom, put on a pull-up and watch a show while she poo-ed in the pull up. 😂😂 but she's the cutest lil sugar on earth and fully potty cooperative now lol! (husband still uses iPad for #2.)
  • My nephew likes to tells me, Aunty, "it's" growing.
  • When my son was 4 we would watch deal or no deal and he would say to me mommy those pretty girls make me have a hamboner! LOL
  • My son was had to have corrective surgery on his penis and urethra at 6 months old. At his post up appointment I asked the doctor about the swelling and ring of thick skin around his penis top. The doctors answer "the swelling will go down, and if not he will definitely be a women pleaser someday"
  • Not a secret... when gavin was like 3 or 4 and u would drive over a hilly road he said that made my pee pee stand up lmao
  • When my son was about 2, my husband came home for lunch. When he had to go back to work, my son said (while touching his dad's shirt) 'you need to go and get more paint on your shirt?' 😆 Needless to say, my husband is a painter.
  • Best kid story ever. I just got in my car so I know you might not be reading more but... When my was 2 he ran up to me on the couch laughing so very historically. I thought it was because he had found his sisters candy stash and ate all her chocolate as it was clearly all over his face and still drooling from his slobbery mouth. I went in to hug him for being so dang mischievous and adorable... And soon realized it wasn't chocolate. My son was fiercely enjoying... A turd. No worries. Poison control said it was fine... Since it was his sister pooh. Had it been stranger poo we should worry...
  • Funny things your kids say.. my daughter was 4-5yrs.old, we were in the freezer sections at the store, & my daughter unzips her coat & starts flapping the opening while saying OH I'M HAVING A HOT FLASH!! an older woman standing near us just busted out laughing, saying I know what she means.
  • When my daughter was 2 1/2, (she talked like a grown up) and potty training, we were in line at Meijer. She said to the cashier "Excuse me but can you wait a minute. I have to use the potty." I explained to her that we couldn't make all the people behind us wait and to please hold it and we'd go in a just a minute. The cashier assured her she'd hurry. My daughter replied, "Okay, but waiting really bothers my 'bagina'. " Yes she said BAgina...everyone in line was cracking up. She didn't understand what was so funny!
  • My boys also believe the correct word is bagina. When I babysit my nieces and have to change their diapers they ask why girls have two butts.
  • When my daughter was 3, she was at the doctor’s office for her annual check up. The nurse was asking all the standard coordination type questions–touch your nose, put your hands up, jump, etc. Being a healthy capable little devil, she’s doing everything fine. Then, the nurse says, “stand on one foot.” My daughter looks at the nurse, looks down, and hesitates. Then she walks over and stands on one of the nurse’s feet
  • I was on the phone with my husband discussing dinner plans while my 5-year-old was eating lunch. She informed me that “vegetables are ruining my life.” My husband and I laughed for a solid 3 minutes.