Dad With Cancer Writes His Own Funny Obituary Before He Dies
Aaron Joseph Purmort died on November 25, from brain cancer. Before he died, though, he wrote his own obituary, in which he claimed he was Spiderman, was once married to Gwen Stefani, and also called for his young son, Ralph, to "avenge" his death.
Purmort was married, a father of one, and a graphic designer. After he was diagnosed with cancer, his wife, Nora, started a blog to chronicle what would eventually be their final days together. According to her, the couple sat down together and wrote the words that would appear in his obituary. "I've never laughed and cried more in one sitting," she wrote. "But I'm so glad we got to do this. I love this man so damn much."
Here is the obituary that appeared in the Star Tribune:
Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party. He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father's untimely death.
Both Purmort and his wife documented the family's time together through his illness in photos on Instagram.
Ralph has always known about Aaron. He was a calm, serene newborn. He never cried, never fussed. He always curled into Aaron at night, even though I was his food source and first home (I am still slightly offended by this, clearly). If Aaron needed me, Ralph would patiently wait his turn. He crawled for the first time in a hospital bed at Abbott. He came to appointments and chemo and waited calmly and patiently, he cuddled with nurses and with lonely old folks who looked like they needed it. He has his father's heart, and his father's face (also slightly offended because I did contribute 50% of his genetic material, so...) He has always been tender. He touches Aaron's scar and kisses his head. The night we told our family about hospice, Ralph set down his blocks, climbed onto the couch and pushed me aside. "I luh you Papa." He said, and kissed and hugged his father. Today, he keeps coming into the room to say hello, and say good-bye. "All done!" He says "I luh you!" #ralphiegrams
On her blog, Nora said of her husband's death, "I know what Aaron always knew: it might not be true right this second, but it’s going to be okay."