The Five Stages Of I-96 Closure Grief
The eastbound lanes of I-96 have been closed for two weeks now. Isn't it about time you come to accept it?
Here are the five stages of I-96 closure grief, now let's work through them together:
1. Denial. Sure, the news outlets warned you for months that it was going to happen, but did you scout out an alternative route? No. You just kept thinking it wouldn't actually happen until you found yourself sitting on the North Park Ave. Bridge wondering, 'how the hell did I get here? Did I follow that Honda Civic? How do I get to Plainfield from here?'
2. Anger. I know you never knew that the traffic light on North Monroe at Leonard is the longest in existence until now, but flipping off the guy in the SUV next to you isn't going to help it go any faster. And your kids did nothing to deserve getting yelled at. Breathe. The meditation below will help you get through this stage.
3. Bargaining. Sure, you did what you were told and merged when you first saw the sign, but now this butthead is trying to squeeze in without having paid his dues. What to do? Bargain with him! Like this guy (stoner) in Houston did recently. Who ever wins at Rock, paper, Scissors gets to go first. It's that simple.
4. Depression. When is the road going to be open again? June! WTF!? It's only six more weeks, but it seems like an eternity! Rather than slip down into the deep, dank well of sadness, why not lift your spirits with some ice cream. Did you know ice cream solves every problem? And Hudsonville Ice Cream just released it's spring flavors!
5. Acceptance. You've done it! You've finally come to accept the fact that eastbound I-96 is closed! Now relax, and enjoy the new places your detour is taking you by. Like Riverside Pizza (hint: it's Fricano's!!), and Sloppy Joe's Snack Shack.