Depression is a funny thing. I think most people believe depressed people look sad all the time and stay in bed a lot. Some do, but that’s not everyone.

Truth is, especially for me, depression is a lot of smiles. A lot of still trying to please everybody I can, taking on more projects, all to prove that I’m not depressed.

Depression is a lot of trying to hide what you’re feeling. The feelings of worthlessness, sadness, anxiety, weakness, lack of motivation; basically not feeling like yourself, but not wanting to look weak so you keep trying to lie to the world. It works for a while, but unless you stop to fix yourself, it’s just an endless loop. I know.

Throughout my adult life, I've battled depression.  It's come and gone a few times through the years.  It's back and since November I’ve been going through depression again. I’ve hit some of my lowest points ever, since 2019 started, and then I have moments where I think I’ve kicked its ass, only to have it hit me even harder the next go round. If you’re going through the same, I encourage you to seek out and go to therapy. It isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a powerful tool to help fix what’s going on.

A couple of other things I’m learning A) you’re not alone, both in how you feel and with how many people love you. And b) you are not weak and it’s OKAY to pull back on what you can do. Your life is worth so much more than trying to appear that you have the world under control.

I say that last line as a reminder for myself as well… Practice point B more, before it’s too late.