Did you catch the season premiere of TLC's Outrageous Kid Parties last night? In case you missed it, it was basically two half-hours of complete and total insanity. It's almost too hard to describe. But, I'll try. Basically the only description that you need is "insane".

First, Long Island mom Donna threw her 5-year-old son, Derek, a preschool graduation party -- wait, actually it was a “Willy Wonka Candy Fantasy” party -- complete with choreographed dancers, aerialists, a rock climbing wall, a $2,500 cake and enough candy to every preschooler in Long Island ill for days (more than $1,300 worth, and that's in addition to the $5,000 catering price tag). Little Derek even wore a $350 Willy Wonka costume to compliment his purple mohawk (only done for the party, or so they said). The party ends up costing just under $32,000. Are you kidding me?

The we head to North Carolina, for Sadie's 6th birthday. Her parents go all out throwing her a gigantic “Country Carnival” hoedown for more than 250 people, complete with a band, a rotating $4,000 cake, a $600 limo and a dog show, for a grand total of more than $32,500. It seemed like Sadie's mom was throwing the party for herself, instead of for Sadie, though. I'm not sure how a 6-year-old could dream up an elaborate 10-inch teddy bear tattoo airbrushed onto her back, but Donna insists it's what she really really wants.

I don't know what bugs me more about these two particular parties -- the fact that parties like this even exist, both did whatever they wanted, without consulting their husband, and absolutely blew through the budgets they'd promised to stick to. I can't imagine how going 200% over budget isn't a big deal. (In fact, after spending almost three times her original $500 candy budget, Donna ripped up the receipt so her husband wouldn't find out.) That seems like a normal, happy marriage.

It's hard to imagine spending that much on anything, let alone a child's party. I don't even want think about the effect this all has on the kids. At the end of her episode, Sadie made it known she would have an even bigger and better party for her seventh birthday. Oh good.

This hurts my brain.