Whatever 9.8
Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Tons of Celebrities Showed Up for Joan Rivers' Funeral
TONS of celebrities showed up for JOAN RIVERS' funeral yesterday, including Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Griffin, Rosie O'Donnell, Barbara Walters and Kelly Osbourne with her slightly more famous parents. Howard Stern gave a eulogy, and there was a musical performance from Hugh Jackman.
Joan Rivers Randoms
1. The New York State Health Department says it will take further investigation to determine what caused JOAN RIVERS' death. (Full Story)
2. Here's Joan in a 1985 interview, saying she had a heart arrhythmia, and that she's "very careful" during surgery because of it. (Full Story)
3. The clinic where Joan was undergoing a procedure on her vocal cords when her heart gave out is getting death threats. (Full Story)
4. Here's a cartoon tribute from "The New Yorker".
Drew Carey Is Offering a $10,000 Reward to Help Find the Teenagers Responsible for a Horrible Ice Bucket Challenge Prank
Some terrible Ohio teenagers pulled a reprehensible "prank" on a 14-year-old autistic classmate, who'd been challenged to that ALS Ice Bucket thing. Instead of ice water, these A-HOLES dumped a bucket with urine, feces, spit, and cigarette butts over him. Now, DREW CAREY is offering a $10,000 reward for anyone who helps identify these kids, so they can be brought to justice.
(There's some footage from the video in this news report. The kid's family said they want it to be out there, to make other parents aware of bullying.)
Denzel Washington Doesn't Have any Close Friends That Are Famous . . . Except Lenny Kravitz
DENZEL WASHINGTON recently did one of those "Ask Me Anything" chats on Reddit . . . and in it, he said he isn't really tight with ANY other actors, and all his close friends are not famous. However, there is one exception: Denzel says LENNY KRAVITZ is a, quote, "very, very good friend."
Kim Kardashian Hints That She and Kanye West Might Film Themselves Having Sex
KIM KARDASHIAN won't deny she's filmed herself having sex with KANYE WEST. She says, quote, "If we have, it's never something I want to go public . . . Let's just say we do like to have fun. Have we made another? . . . What we do privately is private. I think let's just leave it at that."
George Clooney Will Marry Amal Alamuddin in Venice in "A Couple of Weeks"
GEORGE CLOONEY let a few details slip about his wedding to Amal Alamuddin.
While receiving a humanitarian award at an event in Tuscany Friday night, he said, quote, "I met my lovely bride to be here in Italy, whom I will be marrying in a couple of weeks, in Venice, of all places."
Nick Carter Knew His Wife Was the Woman for Him When He Learned That She Hates Boy Bands
Having something in common isn't always the key to a happy marriage. For NICK CARTER of the BACKSTREET BOYS, it's almost the opposite. Nick married his wife Lauren earlier this year. And here's how he knew he'd made the right choice:
He says, quote, "Lauren is everything I was looking for. When I heard she hated boy bands, I knew she was the one."
He adds, quote, ''I want my fans to see how much I love Lauren and to know that I'm in good hands.''
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. BEYONCÉ did a back bridge in a bikini to thank fans for their birthday wishes. Meanwhile, JAY Z posted a tribute video for her. Beyoncé turned 33 last Thursday.
2. MILEY CYRUS partied in pasties at a fashion show after-party. (Check out more pics here.) Meanwhile, Miley also posted a picture of a cut on her elbow. Of course she was naked at the time.
3. KENDALL JENNER is 18, so OF COURSE she's going to pose nude.
4. LEA MICHELE's cleavage is kind of lovely.
5. Remember that nightmare you had about SHIA LABEOUF's bulge in purple spandex? I'm sorry to inform you that it WASN'T a dream.
6. A JUSTIN BIEBER piñata is a FANTASTIC idea, because it'll be popular with both fans AND people who just want to beat his face in with sticks.
7. CANDACE CAMERON BURE posted a no-makeup selfie.
"Guardians of the Galaxy" Is #1 Again . . . "The Identical" Didn't Even Crack the Top 10
It was another slow weekend at the box office. "Guardians of the Galaxy" took the top spot again, earning another $10.2 million, continuing its dominance as the top grossing film of the year.
And the only new wide release, the ELVIS movie "The Identical", bombed hard. It made just $1.9 million down in 11th place. That's even worse when you consider the movie cost a reported $32 million to make and market.
Here are this week's Top 10 movies:
1. "Guardians of the Galaxy", $10.2 million. Up to $295 million in its 6th week.
2. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", $6.5 million. $175 million in its 5th week.
3. "If I Stay", $5.8 million. Up to $39.7 million in its 3rd week.
4. "Let's Be Cops", $5.4 million. Up to $66.6 million in its 4th week.
5. "The November Man", $4.2 million. Up to $17.9 million in its 2nd week.
6. "As Above/So Below", $3.72 million. Up to $15.6 million in its 2nd week.
7. "When the Game Stands Tall", $3.7 million. Up to $23.5 million in its 3rd week.
8. "The Giver", $3.6 million. Up to $37.8 million in its 4th week.
9. "The Hundred-Foot Journey", $3.2 million. Up to $45.7 million in its 5th week.
10. "Lucy", $2 million. Up to $121 million in its 7th week.
Dax Shepard Wants His "CHiPs" Movie to Be Like "Lethal Weapon" or "Bad Boys"
If you were horrified that DAX SHEPARD was making a "CHiPs" movie, you should know that he's not interesting in making fun of the show. He plans to take it SERIOUSLY.
He says, quote, "I don't want to do the spoof version . . . I want to do the 'Lethal Weapon' / 'Bad Boys' version, and for that you really need MICHAEL PEÑA.
"Did you see him in 'End of Watch'? I saw that movie, and I thought, 'Oh my God, this guy is everything.'"
Monday TV Reminders:
• "Monday Night Football: Giants vs. Lions" . . . 7:00 to 10:00 P.M. Eastern on ESPN. The Detroit Lions host the New York Giants.
• "MNF: Chargers vs. Cardinals" . . . 10:00 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. Eastern on ESPN. The Arizona Cardinals host the San Diego Chargers.
• "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. NFL Hall of Famer Deion Sanders goes camping for the first time in his life, and faces his fear of rappelling down a cliff. (Trailer)
• The season finale of "Bachelor in Paradise" . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Chris Harrison tells the couples that they have to leave the island unless they can see their relationships continuing in real life.
Five Random Facts For Monday
1. Only 10% of people who start a video game wind up beating it.
2. There are only six people left in the world who were born in the 1800s.
3. The only U.S. state that produces coffee is Hawaii.
4. Five of the past seven U.S. presidents are left-handed: Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama.
5. A single sperm contains the equivalent of 37.5 megabytes of data.
The Most Popular Fantasy Football Team Names Are Sex Jokes, TV References . . . and a Domestic Violence Joke
Slate.com analyzed more than 360,000 fantasy football team names this year and found the most common name is a sex pun . . . "Show Me Your TDs." Unfortunately, the second most common one references RAY RICE from the Baltimore Ravens, who was arrested earlier this year after he beat his wife unconscious . . . more than 400 people named their teams "Beats by Ray."
1. Show Me Your TDs.
2. Beats by Ray.
3. Turn Down For Watt. (A reference to J.J. WATT on the Houston Texans.)
4. Prestige Worldwide. (A reference to the movie "Step Brothers".)
5. Victorious Secret.
6. Password Is Taco. (A reference to "The League" on FX.)
7. Chalupa Batman. (Another reference to "The League".)
8. Dallas Cowboys.
9. Multiple Scorgasms.
10. (CAREFUL) Cleveland Steamers. (A reference to an obscure, RIDICULOUS, vile sex act.)
(Slate)
The Average Woman Spots Her First Gray Hair at Age 33
A new survey found the average woman spots her first gray hair in her early 30s. Redheads spot their first gray hair at 30 . . . women with brown and black hair spot their first one at 32 . . . and blondes don't see their first one until 35.
What's the Most "Seinfeld"-esque Reason You've Ever Dumped Someone?
1. "She was putting mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first then rubbing it all over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand."
2. "It was four days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn't break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting the gift and I wasn't willing to make a 34-day commitment to the relationship."
3. "She'd wait until she had the bartender's attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink."
4. "He was the loudest eater I'd ever met. He constantly chewed with his mouth open and smacked his lips. If he REALLY liked it, there were also 'mmms' and 'noms.' It was like dating Cookie Monster."
5. "She wore the same deodorant my mom does."
6. "He didn't take off his underwear during sex. Ever." (Reddit)
A $139 Million House Just Went on the Market . . . What Do You Get For That Kind of Money?
The most expensive house that's EVER been listed in the U.S. just went on sale. It's a $139 MILLION house in Hillsboro Beach, Florida that's 60,000 square feet . . . has 11 bedrooms and 17 bathrooms . . . a private beach . . . a yacht dock . . . an IMAX theater . . . a 30-car garage . . . and a pool with a waterfall.
A DNA Test Has Finally Figured Out Jack the Ripper's Real Identity
An author in London has finally figured out JACK THE RIPPER'S identity. DNA testing just proved Jack the Ripper was . . . a 23-year-old Polish immigrant named Aaron Kosminski. He killed at least five prostitutes in England in 1888 and wound up dying in an asylum at age 53.
Wiz Khalifa is 27. Real name: Cameron Thomaz. Doesn't sound as cool until you realize it's "Thomaz" with a "z" at the end.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas is 33. The cute middle son on "Home Improvement". Unlike most adorable child stars, he actually grew up to be a delicious hairless twink.
PINK is 35. Talented, super-athletic minx who lets a tattooed motocross racer nail her real good.
LARENZ TATE! is 39. Frankie Lymon in "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?" . . . AND . . . Darius Lovehall in the 1997 urban classic masterpiece "LOVE JONES"! He's also Quincy Jones in "Ray" AND "Buck" in the ghetto-smash videogame "187 Ride Or Die".
Martin Freeman is 43. Bilbo Baggins in the "Hobbit" movies. You may also know him Dr. Watson on the BBC's "Sherlock", Arthur Dent in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and as Tim, the equivalent to our "Jim", on the British version of "The Office".
Kennedy is 42. "Rolling Stone" voted her the most-hated MTV VJ of the '90s.
David Arquette is 43. Courteney Cox's clown-ass former husband. He was also the WCW world rasslin' champion briefly in 2000. The following year, WCW folded and got bought up by WWE. Coincidence? (David now owns a nightclub called Bootsy Bellows . . . which is decorated with nude photos of his MOM!)
Brooke Burke is 43. Former "Dancing with the Stars" co-host, who you'd already remember as the winner of the 7th season. Erin Andrews took her job after Brooke left last year.
Aimee Mann is 54. Former lead singer of 'TIL TUESDAY. Remember "Voices Carry"? Remember the '80s?!? WE DO! Sean Penn's brother Michael nails her. She also wrote some gorgeous tunes for the movie "Magnolia".)
David Steele is 54. Fine Young Cannibals AND the English Beat.
VENTRILOQUIST WILLIE TYLER! is 74. Genius Nubian ventriloquist of Willie Tyler & Lester fame.
Sid Caesar is 92. Old-school comedian.
PETER SELLERS (1925 - 1980) The genius who was Inspector Clouseau in the "Pink Panther" movies. Without Peter Sellers, there wouldn't be an Austin Powers.
(Alice Cooper says he and Peter Sellers were hetero soulmates back in the day. They even had pet names for each other, and used to shoot toy suction cup dart guns at each other. It all sounds very gay now, but it wasn't in the '70s.)
Ron "Pigpen" McKernan (1945 - 1973) Co-founder of The Grateful Dead.
Patsy Cline (1932 - 1963) Country legend. Every season on "American Idol", WITHOUT FAIL, somebody takes a shot at one of her all-time classics, "Walkin' After Midnight". They almost always blow it. Patsy was that damn good.
Jimmie Rodgers (1897 - 1933) Father of Country Music.
Harlan Howard (1927 - 2002) Country singer.
Benjamin Orr (1947 - 2000) He and Ric Ocasek co-founded The Cars in Boston in 1976. Orr was the bass player and sang lead on many of the band's most recognizable songs, including "Drive" and "Just What I Needed".
It was pancreatic cancer that took him . . . just like Swayze. The Cars disbanded in 1988. But the surviving members are finally back together again.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• Today is International Literacy Day
• 3 days to National Day of Service
• 11 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day
• 24 days to Int'l Day of Non-Violence
• 27 days to World Teachers Day
• 865 days left of "Hope and Change"
156 years ago . . . In 1858, ABRAHAM LINCOLN delivered the speech containing his famous phrase, "You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but not all of the people all of the time."
131 years ago . . . In 1883, (FINALLY, THE RED MAN SCREWS THE WHITE MAN!) A ceremony was held in Montana to mark the Northern Railroad's connection from St. Paul, Minnesota, to Seattle, Washington.
SITTING BULL was invited to speak at the ceremony, but only one officer understood the Sioux language well enough to realize he was actually saying . . .
. . . "I hate all white people. You are thieves, liars and have taken away our land and made us outcasts."
The White Devils applauded, not understanding what the Sitting Bull had said. But . . . the white officer was afraid to give the true translation . . . so he spoke a few kind words and all the stupid honkies applauded again.
122 years ago . . . In 1892, FRANCIS BELLAMY wrote the "PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE" in honor of the 400th anniversary of COLUMBUS coming to America. It took him three hours to complete the original 23 words.
There are now 31 wonderful words in it. (You hear me, hippie? I said THIRTY-ONE. "Under God" fo-eva!)
48 years ago . . . In 1966, "Star Trek" premiered on TV . . . starring WILLIAM SHATNER and LEONARD NIMOY. It was canceled in September of 1969.
29 years ago . . . In 1985, PETE ROSE of the Cincinnati Reds tied TY COBB'S career record for hits, with a single for number 4,191, during a game against the Cubs in Chicago.
27 years ago . . . In 1987, former presidential candidate GARY HART admitted in an interview that he had committed adultery and that he had no plans to re-enter the presidential race. No word on whether he had plans to re-enter DONNA RICE.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, one Pam Basu of Savage, Maryland, was dragged to her death after being forced from her car; this event later prompted new federal laws against CARJACKING.
16 years ago . . . In 1998, MARK MCGWIRE of the St. Louis Cardinals broke ROGER MARIS'S 37-year-old record for homeruns in a single season, hitting number 62 off Chicago Cubs pitcher Steve Trachsel.
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