Why Do We Celebrate The Fourth of July? [Video]

No, really. Someone tell these people why we celebrate because they are embarrassingly clueless.

Media analyst Mark Dice hit the beaches in California to ask basic questions about Independence Day, and wow, these answers are nothing short of scary.

Here's what I got from this video:

1. We are celebrating our independence from the south.
2. The Declaration of Independence was signed by Abraham Lincoln in either 1964 or 1984.
3. We also declared our independence from....California?
4. Jessie Ventura also signed the Declaration of Independence.
5. There are 50-something stars on the flag

Okay, time for the celebratory beer.