What’s Your Favorite Dad Joke?

Today's #TQOTD is based on a text from a "Clique of 6" member, Lily. So you can either thank her or send her angry emails about how much you hated these jokes. We think that you'll thank her.

TEXT QUESTION OF THE DAY:
What’s your favorite dad joke?

What does the janitor say when he comes out of the closet?? Sup plies
Why does a seagull fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they would be bagels
Why didn't they make two Yogi Bears? Because they made a boo boo!!!
Why can't you tell secrets in a cornfield? To many listening ears. It's kinda corny.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent
Why does a cow milking stool only have 3 legs? The cow has da udder
Favorite dad joke... every time we drive past a cemetery my husband ask me if I know how many are dead in there...seriously every time...UGH!
Knock knock... Who's there.... I eat mop.... (You have to read this one out loud and finish the joke to get it.)
#tqotd what does a woman and a box of chicken have in common??? After your done with the breast and thighs all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in. Lol
My fav dad joke is still "why is 6 afraid of 7? ...because 7 8 9"
Dumb joke - Dad joke: What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy ... and the other is a little lighter.
What dance did the turkey go to for Thanksgiving? The butterball!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole-in-one
Dad joke: Train came through recently... know how I can tell? It left its tracks
Why does the chicken coop have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 it would be a sedan
Kid: Are we there yet? Dad: it's like the monkey said when the train ran over its tail "it won't be long now".
Gm guys it’s a dumb joke but here it is why don’t elephants blow their nose because they don’t know what to do with a 6-foot booger
#tqotd why did the cow jump over the moon? .............................. Because the farmer's hands were cold.
What never gets full....a turkey it's always getting stuffed
Kid: What time is it? Dad: Ten to Kid: Ten to what? Dad: Ten to your own business.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?! Bison (bye-son)
Two muffins were in the oven. One muffin said "man. It's getting hot in here" the other muffin said, "AHHHHH a talking muffin!!!!!!"
#TQOTD If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims
Joke time!!! Why did the one-handed man cross the street???? TO GET TO THE SECOND-HAND STORE!!!!! Bahahaha!!!!!
Jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the jumper cables and says, you can drink here just don't start anything.
Dad joke: what do you call a deer without eyes? ........ No eye-deer.
Have you ever had balloon animals while camping? It's in-tents hahaha..
My actual Dad's joke "Have you met my friend Jose and his brother Hose B?" So stupid, lol
My favorite joke that my kid's tell is what do you call a three-hump camel? Pregnant
How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You poke her face!
What did one burp say to the other? Let's be stinkers and go out the other way!
Where does a penguin keep its money? In the snow bank
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Knock knock: who's there? Boo. Boo who? You don't have to cry, it's just a joke
How does butter wear her hair.. in a bun
My favorite dad joke is why can't you run through a campground you can only ran through a campground because it's past tents
Why don't skeletons play music in church? because they have no organs
What has been the most groundbreaking invention? .... a shovel
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
In Fish's BEST Irish accent here's the joke, Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their beans soup? Because if you add one more it will be 240 (too farty)
Why do cows have hooves? Because they lac-toes!!!! (Lactose)
Have you ever seen the movie Constipated...it never came out!!!
How do you get a one-armed blond out of a tree? Wave
What is Yoda's full name? Yoda-lehewhoo
Did you know diarrhea was hereditary???....it runs in your genes (jeans)!
One of my favorite jokes is: What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves....... Just playing he still hasn't unwrapped his present
Why are deer testicles so cheap? Because their always under a buck
What do you see when a duck bends over? .....Its butt-quack
Not to oversell this but... this is kind of the best joke ever. Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells were too small and D shells were too big.
What did the fish say when it hit a brick wall? ....dam.
Why did the superhero flush the toilet? Because it's a hero's "doody"
My parents were obsessed with this jokes for at least 5 years. What do toilet paper and Star Trek have in common? They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What president liked space toys? Ronald RAY-gun
What did the Fish say when he hit the rocks "Dam"
What's brown and red and laying alongside the road? The last brunette to tell a dumb blonde joke
What did one horse say to the other? Why the long face?
This is my dad joke... how do you find Will Smith in the snow?? Look for fresh "prince"!
Fries weren't made in France they were made in grease
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree? No? Of course not! They're REALLY good at it!
Here’s a couple dad jokes: (1) Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 (2) What are the 2 sexiest animals in the barnyard? Brown chicken brown cow
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check your balance. So I pushed her over.
From my 8-year-old: Why did the crab go to the hospital after hearing a joke? Because he cracked up.
What do you call a pig wearing cow slippers? Moo shoo pork
What do you call a cow with a twitch???........beef jerky ;) lol
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Eliphino!
Did you buy your pants on sale? Cause if you were at my house they would be 100% off
Don’t spell part backwards it’s a trap!
Q: What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? A: Let's get the flock out of here.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? breath dummy
Another one, what do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye dear!!!
Not so much a joke, but rather a classic dad thing to do. When they are using the stud finder they hold it up to them though and say "found it".
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks what he wants to drink. The horse doesn't respond because horses don't talk dummy.
What happens when the sun bleaches your hair? You're Blonded by the light
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it
Why did Waldo ware stripes...... Cause he didn't want to be spotted lol
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo'drizzle
A cat limps into a bar and says I'm looking for the man that shot my paw
Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off? Don't worry he is all right!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? ...Dr. Dre
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in the crack
How did Captain Hook die… He wiped with the wrong hand
Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving? A: Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke her face!
What do you call a deer that ate too many pickles? A dill-doe
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli.
Susie falls off the swing and broke her arms. Pause. Knock knock. Whose their. Not Susie.
Also...why don't blind people skydive? Cause it scares the crap out of the dogs
#TQOTD. Wut do u tell a person with two black eyes? Nothing you already told them twice.
Why did Adell cross the road???? To say hello from the other side lol
From my 11-year-old: Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to a world where his motives aren't question
From Mommie dearest: 2 peanuts walking down the street....1 was a-salted
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm and the guy next to her says "hey, where did you get that pig?" And the woman says "that's not a pig that's a duck." The guy says "I was talking to the duck."
The wife says to her husband "I want something that goes from 0 to 120 in 60 seconds" so the husband bought her some bathroom scales.
What's brown & sticky??? A stick
What do you an ale that spends to much time in the sun? Miller highlight
Heres my joke for the day! To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft word I will find you!! You have my WORD! lol
What is a frogs favorite shoes? Open toad
What do dyslexic zombies eat? Brians
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.
How much did an ear of corn cost at the pirate Farmers market? A buccaneer.
(Sing the punchline in the tune of Bad Romance) How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw.
I have one!! Why don't Cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny
Knock knock... Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in its cold out here!
What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he dropped him at school? Bison
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. Tee hee!
Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead.
What's making headlines??? Corduroy pillows!!!
My mother asked my dad why he cut down the tree in the front of there house? He replied it seemed shady to me
why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the idiot's house. knock knock, who's there? the chicken.
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be called bay-guls
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quack
When do you know a horse needs a cough drop? When it's hoarse.
A man walks into a bar.....ouch
Did you know there's a restaurant where they only hire one-legged servers? It's called IHOP
This is my favorite bad joke. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken... Heh heh.
What do u call a guy w/ no arms & no legs in the pool? Bob.
What do u call a guy w/ no arms & no legs at ur door? Matt.
What do u call a guy w/ no arms & no legs hanging on ur wall? Art.
A guy goes to the psychiatrist and says Doc I don't know what to do, one night I have a dream that I'm a wigwam and the next night I dream I'm a teepee. The psychiatrist says "it's okay man your just 2 tents! (Tense) Bahahaha
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs!
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets.
Why is Tigger so dirty? Because he plays with Pooh all day.

Categories: Connie & Fish, Text Question of the Day, Videos

What’s Your Favorite Dad Joke? – #TQOTD [Video]