Your daily dose of WHATEVER!


Lindsay Made Fun of Kristen Stewart's Affair

In preview clips from tonight's "Chelsea Lately", guest host LINDSAY LOHAN makes fun of the supposed bisexuality of HARRY STYLES from ONE DIRECTION and KRISTEN STEWART'S affair.

During the discussion of Harry, Lindsay first took a shot at herself, saying, quote, "I've been there."  Then she quotes Harry as saying he's only been with two people, and says, quote, "He's obviously not counting oral."  (Here's video.)

Raven-Symone is Out of the Closet 

RAVEN-SYMONE basically came out of the closet on Friday by Tweeting, quote, "I can finally get married!  Yay government!  So proud of you."  She later issued a statement saying, quote, "I am very happy that gay marriage is opening up around the country and is being accepted.  I was excited to hear today that more states legalized gay marriage.  I, however, am not currently getting married, but it is great to know I can now, should I wish to."

Megan Fox is Pregnant Again 

MEGAN FOX and BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN are expecting their second child.  Megan's rep says, quote, "I can confirm Megan is expecting her second child with her husband Brian.  They are both very happy."

Their son Noah Shannon will be a year old in September, and Brian also has an 11-year-old son named Kassius from his relationship with VANESSA MARCIL.  Megan is 27 . . . Brian is 40.

Miley Cyrus is the Celebrity Most Guys Would Cheat With

MILEY CYRUS has been voted the Most Cheat-Worthy Celebrity by the guys who use . . . meaning she's the celebrity they'd most want to have an affair with.  Miley took 18.6% of the vote, followed by MILA KUNIS with 12.4%.  The average age of Ashley Madison users is 44.  Miley is 20.  That's slightly gross.

Riley Cooper Has Been "Excused" From the Philadelphia Eagles to Seek Counseling 

N-word spouting wide receiver RILEY COOPER has been "excused" from Philadelphia Eagles activities to seek counseling.  He hasn't been fired though.  The team says, quote, "He will meet with professionals provided by the Eagles during this period of time to better help him understand how his words have hurt so many, including his teammates."

Will Alex Rodriguez Be Suspended Through Next Season?

Major League Baseball is expected to announce the suspensions of about a dozen players for steroids today, including ALEX RODRIGUEZ.  ESPN says A-Rod will likely be suspended for the remainder of this season and all the way through NEXT season.  It's pretty much a guarantee that A-Rod will appeal his suspension.  ESPN says there's a chance that the League WON'T let him play while he appeals, but that's not very likely.

Ellen DeGeneres Will Host the Oscars 

ELLEN DEGENERES will host next year's Oscars, which will air on March 2nd on ABC.  On Friday she Tweeted, quote, "It's official:  I'm hosting the Oscars!  I'd like to thank the Academy, my wife Portia and, oh dear, there goes the orchestra."

This will be Ellen's second time hosting . . . she also did it in 2007.  She added, quote, "I am so excited to be hosting the Oscars for the second time.  You know what they say:  the third time's the charm."

Adam Sandler Knows the Critics Hate Him 

With "Grown Ups 2", ADAM SANDLER has yet another poorly-reviewed movie under his belt.  But you know what?  He doesn't care.

He says, quote, "I know what they're writing about me.  I could almost write the piece for them by now.  But then remember that I didn't get into movies to please the critics.  I got into it to make people laugh and have fun with my friends."

"2 Guns" Beat "The Smurfs 2" at the Box Office

The DENZEL WASHINGTON-MARK WAHLBERG movie "2 Guns" topped the weekend box office with $27.4 million.  "The Smurfs 2" has earned roughly the same amount, but only because it hit theaters a few days early, on Wednesday.

Here are this week's Top 10 movies:

1.  (NEW)  "2 Guns", $27.4 million.


2.  "The Wolverine", $21.7 million.  Up to $95 million in its 2nd week. 


3.  (NEW)  "The Smurfs 2", $18.2 million.  Up to $27.8 million since Wednesday.


4.  "The Conjuring", $13.7 million.  Up to $109 million in its 3rd week.


5.  "Despicable Me 2", $10.4 million.  Up to $327 million in its 5th week.


6.  "Grown Ups 2", $8.1 million.  Up to $116 million in its 4th week.


7.  "Turbo", $6.4 million.  Up to $69.5 million in its 3rd week.


8.  "Red 2", $5.7 million.  Up to $45.2 million in its 3rd week.


9.  "The Heat", $4.7 million.  Up to $150 million in its 6th week.


10.  "Pacific Rim", $4.6 million.  Up to $93 million in its 4th week.

Monday TV Reminders:


"The Bachelorette" [9th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC . . . followed by "The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose"from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M.



"The Fosters" [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC Family.



"Major Crimes" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT.  Marion Ross, Tim Conway and Doris Roberts guest star as the residents of La Shangri-la apartment complex.



"The Real Housewives of Orange County" [8th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo.



"T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle" [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on VH1.



"Marrying The Game" [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1.



"Casting By" . . . 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on HBO.  Martin Scorsese, Clint Eastwood, Robert De Niro, and John Travolta are among those interviewed for this documentary about casting directors.



"God Guns and Automobiles" . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on History.  Mark hosts an evening of cage-fighting at the lot to sponsor Mongo's return to the sport.



"Watch What Happens:  Live" . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Alexis Bellino ("The Real Housewives of Orange County") and "Flipping Out's" Jenni Pulos.


Early Morning Show Guests:


"The Today Show" - Chef Andrew Carmellini.


"Good Morning America" - Ashton Kutcher ("Jobs"), Liam Hemsworth ("Paranoia"), Jason Sudeikis ("We're the Millers"), and author David Epstein ("The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance").


"CBS This Morning" - Oprah Winfrey ("Lee Daniels' The Butler").


Mid-Morning Show Guests:


"Live! With Kelly and Michael" - Liam Hemsworth ("Paranoia") and Jason Sudeikis ("We're the Millers").  "GMA's" Robin Roberts co-hosts with Michael.


"The View" - CNN's Zoraida Sambolin co-hosts.


"Rachael Ray" - Josh Dallas ("Once Upon a Time") and Lori Allen ("Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta").  (REPEAT)


"Kris" - Music Guest:  violinist David Garrett.  Maria Menounos co-hosts.


This Afternoon On TV:


"The Real" - Duane Martin ("Real Husbands of Hollywood") and Tisha Campbell-Martin.


"Ellen DeGeneres" - Selena Gomez ("Spring Breakers").  (REPEAT)


"The Talk" - Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence ("Melissa & Joey"), plus Dr. Wendy Walsh (author of "The 30-Day Love Detox").  "All My Children's" Cameron Mathison co-hosts.


"Katie Couric" - Charlie Sheen ("Anger Management").  (REPEAT)


"Steve Harvey" - Steve helps a Florida photographer find her perfect match and honors a young man who walked 10 miles to a job interview.  (REPEAT)


"Dr. Phil" - A mother who thinks her 14-year-old is actively trying to get pregnant.  (REPEAT)


"Dr. Oz Show" - Tips for turning back the clock on wrinkles, age spots and cellulite, plus how to look 10 years younger instantly.  (REPEAT)


"Wendy Williams" - Mark McGrath promoting his upcoming tour and comedian Russell Peters.  (REPEAT)

Tonight's Late Night Talk Shows:



"Letterman" - Channing Tatum ("White House Down") and climate activist Tim DeChristopher.  Music Guest:  Fitz & the Tantrums.  (REPEAT)



"Jimmy Kimmel" - Sharon Stone ("Lovelace"), Dane Cook ("Planes"), and "The Bachelorette's" Desiree Hartsock.  Music Guest:  Jamie N Commons.



"The Tonight Show" - Supermodel Karolina Kurkova ("The Face") and Bryan Cranston ("Breaking Bad").  Music Guest:  Amos Lee.



"Craig Ferguson" - Minnie Driver ("I Give It a Year") and comedian Baron Vaughn.



"Jimmy Fallon" - Lily Collins ("The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones") and "SNL's" Seth Meyers.  Music Guest:  2 Chainz.



"Carson Daly" - Jim Jefferies ("Legit") and Nathan Fielder ("Nathan for You").  Music Guest:  Tomahawk.  (REPEAT)




"Conan" - Diego Luna ("Elysium") and Lisa Kudrow ("Web Therapy").  Music Guest:  Florida Georgia Line.



"Jon Stewart" - Author Neal Thompson ("A Curious Man: The Strange and Brilliant Life of Robert "Believe It or Not!" Ripley").



"The Colbert Report" - Actor Hugh Laurie pimps his new album.



"Chelsea Lately" - Dylan Bruce ("Orphan Black").  Lindsay Lohan ("The Canyons") guest hosts.

Stupid News

The Five Dumbest Things Couples Argue About

Here are the top five stupid things couples argue about . . .

1.  Emptying the dishwasher.

2.  Cell phone bills.

3.  What to watch on TV.

4.  Staying out late without telling the other person where you are.

5.  Laundry. 


The Average Married Man Is Secretly Attracted to at Least Three Women in His Life

According to a new survey, the average man who's married or in a serious relationship is secretly attracted to at least THREE women in his life.  40% are secretly attracted to one of their wife's friends, 25% are into a coworker, 20% are into a friend's wife or girlfriend, and 10% are into a neighbor.

(FemaleFirst / Deccan Chronicle)

A New Study Says Young People Are Actually Way More Forgetful Than Older People

Believe it or not, a new study has found that people ages 18 to 34 are MORE FORGETFUL than people 55 and up.  And younger people are more likely to forget things like WHAT DAY IT IS or where they put their keys than older people.  The researchers say young people are getting more forgetful because of a mix of stress, not sleeping, and constant multitasking.

(Huffington Post)


The Average Teenager Costs Their Parents $9,570 a Year

According to a new study, the average teenager costs their parents $9,570 a year . . . or about $57,420 total from ages 13 to 18.  More than HALF that goes toward food.  Other big costs are cell phone bills, giving them spending money, trips, sports and school activities, and gas.

(Daily Mail)

Should We Stop Teaching Kids Spelling and Grammar Now That Our Gadgets Handle It for Us?

A professor at Newcastle University in England says we should stop teaching our kids SPELLING AND GRAMMAR . . . because they're outdated skills that our gadgets take care of now.  And since it's going to be that way from now on, we're wasting our kids' time.  Of course, a lot of teachers and parents disagree with the idea.

An Airline Made an 18-Year-Old Change Her Shorts Because They Were Too Short . . . You Be the Judge

Last week, an 18-year-old woman in England was flying to Spain and wearing cutoff jean shorts.  But the airline told her they were TOO SHORT, and she had to change.  The woman says they wouldn't let her leave the gate to change . . . so she had to strip them off in front of everyone.  Now she's thinking about filing a legal complaint.

(Daily Mail)


A Man Passes Out Drunk . . . and Wakes Up Missing His Junk

Last week, a 64-year-old man in the Dominican Republic was drinking VERY heavily and passed out.  And when he woke up, he found he was missing his PENIS.  He had emergency surgery, but there's no word on his current condition.  As for what happened to his junk, his neighbors think he passed out naked and a dog bit it off.

(Latin Times / Gawker)

A Man Got Hammered at Work, Tried to Pee, Fell Six Feet . . . and Wants Worker's Comp?


Back in 2006, a longshoreman in Oregon was hurt at work . . . but only after he had 15 DRINKS, tried to pee off a dock, and fell six feet onto concrete.  Then he wanted WORKER'S COMP, and his case has been going through the courts for seven years.  Last week, a U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals finally ruled he WON'T get worker's comp because his own drunkenness led to his injury.

(Huffington Post)

Celebrity Birthdays

Jesse Williams - 32  (Dr. Jackson Avery on "Grey's Anatomy".)



Kaylani Lei - 33  (Asiatic mattress actress who's starred in 186 films, including . . . "White on Rice", "China Vagina", "Missionary Impossible", and "XXX Avengers".)



Jewel De'Nyle - 37  (Mattress actress who tugged at our heart strings in 274 films, including . . . "Shagnet", "Four Finger Club", "Amish Daughters" and "The Sopornos 2".)



Terri Clark - 45  (BBW [slash] country minx.)



Jonathan Silverman - 47  ("The Single Guy".  Also, THE star of "Weekend at Bernie's", "Weekend at Bernie's 2" and "Beethoven's Big Break".)



Adam Yauch - Would have been 49 - (1964 - 2012)  (The Beastie Boys.)



"I Used To Be" Patrick Ewing - 51  (NBA legend.)



Tawny Kitaen - 52  (Psychotic minx with "the fire down below".)



Pat Smear - 54  (Ex-Foo Fighter and ex-guitarist for Nirvana.)


Maureen McCormick - 57  (Marcia on "The Brady Bunch".  She lost a succulent 34 pounds on "Celebrity Fit Club".)



Rick Derringer - 66  ("Rock & Roll Hoochie Koo" . . . AND the subject of the Steely Dan smash "Rikki Don't Lose That Number".)



Loni Anderson - 68  (Minx.)



Ja'net DuBois - 68  (The incredibly sexy Willona Woods on "Good Times", Grandma Ellington on "The Wayans Brothers", AND Ma Bell in "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka".)


Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 25 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 34 days until Grandparents Day

• 45 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 72 days until Boss's Day

• 1,264 days left of "Hope and Change"

Back in the day...

152 years ago . . . in 1861 - ABRAHAM LINCOLN signed the FIRST FEDERAL INCOME TAX into law.  The 3% TAX was applied to all incomes over $800.  (SOCIALIST!!!)




99 years ago . . . in 1914 - The FIRST ELECTRIC TRAFFIC LIGHTS were installed . . . in Cleveland.




56 years ago . . . in 1957 - DICK CLARK'S "American Bandstand" made its debut in Philadelphia.  "That'll Be The Day", by BUDDY HOLLY, was the first record played.




51 years ago . . . in 1962 - MARILYN MONROE'S housekeeper discovered Marilyn's beautiful nude body in the bedroom of her Los Angeles home.  Her death was ruled a "possible suicide" from an overdose of barbiturates.




30 years ago . . . in 1983 - "Risky Business" was released . . . starring TOM CRUISE and a beautiful bulge in the crotchal area of his very sexy tighty-whiteys.


30 years ago . . . in 1983 - DAVID CROSBY was sentenced to eight years in prison for drug and firearms possession after he SLEPT THROUGH MOST OF THE TRIAL.  He was paroled in 1986.

21 years ago . . . in 1992 - JEFF PORCARO, the amazing drummer from TOTO, dropped dead in his front yard while spraying insecticide.  (At first, everyone thought an allergic reaction from the insecticide triggered a heart attack . . .)



(But the autopsy revealed that his arteries were all hardened from copious amounts of the Bolivian Marching Powder, most likely snorted during Toto's long reign of glory at the top of the charts, when the band was constantly cranking out giant hits like "Africa", "Rosanna", and uh . . . "Africa".  Oh . . . AND "Rosanna"!!!)  (???)



13 years ago . . . in 2000 - Obi-Wan Kenobi died!  SIR ALEC GUINNESS, the original Obi-Wan, died of the liver cancer in a southern England hospital at the age of 86.  When doctors came to check on him, all they found was his hospital gown in a heap on the floor.  (???)



11 years ago . . . in 2002 - Legendary Lakers announcer CHICK HEARN passed away four days after falling and hitting his head at home.  He was 85.



3 years ago . . . in 2010 - Thirty-three Chilean miners were trapped 2,300 feet below ground when the area where they were working caved in on them.  They were trapped underground for 69 days.

Two years ago . . . in 2011 - Standard & Poor's lowered the United States' AAA credit rating one level to AA-plus.